E.9 Standing for something
Episode #9 Standing for Something
In this episode, I share how to create a statement of values and tips for teaching virtue in the home. It is the 2nd in the power of purpose series.
The power of purpose series is:
E.8 Creating a vision for your family
E.9 Stand for Something
So keep tuned in every other week as new episodes are released!
Episode #9 Transcript:
Your listening to Episode 9 “Stand for Something” the 2nd episode in the power of purpose series. In the last episode, we started by creating a vision for your family and in this episode, I’ll walk you through creating a statement of values and how to teach those virtues at home.
I sent out free worksheets to everyone on my email list on Dec. 31st and they will be available in the show notes starting in February. If you missed them and would like to create a statement of values with this episode just follow along with a notebook.
Okay, let’s get started, If you are going to stand for something, what is worth standing for?
For millennia wars have been fought for the honor of their countries but if you ask the individual soldier why their nationalism was so strong, it’s rare you’ll find someone fighting for a flag or a mercenary fee. More often, they are willing to fight for their nation’s cause because of the values their nation represents. If you ask them what is worth fighting for you’ll find people fighting for their life, liberty, faith or land – what they value and believe in.
As I contemplated the price of war, I asked myself, what would I fight for? What would I be willing to die for? That is when I discovered my fierce sense of liberty. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if one day my oldest discovered his fierce sense of justice in this way. Not all values are ones we would be willing to fight for on the battlefield but thinking deeply about this question can really get to the core of what you believe very quickly. What would you fight for? Think about it and write it down.
In daily civilian life, we don’t need to pay such a high price for our values but that doesn’t mean we don’t need to stake a stand. If it is important enough for us to claim it as a family value, we need to be willing to show it, sacrifice for it and respect it. If we are against profanity, for example, we need to actively work to keep it off our screens and out of our homes by using filters, teaching our children, and setting a good example. If we are for charity then we need to consciously look for opportunities to serve others, donate to worthy causes, and show compassion. If we are not willing to stand behind our values, then they become hollow. An “ideal” not a virtue and sometimes can even lead to our own hypocrisy. You can’t say that you believe in seeking wisdom if you spend your time running errands, watching TV, and constantly doing the minimum with your studies. The only way a value statement will strengthen your family is if you are willing to stand behind it. I overheard my husband say to my son one time “You’re a Hatch. Do Hatch’s do shoddy work?” to which my son hung his head and grabbed the broom again. My husband stood behind the value of work ethic and my son knew it, nothing else needed to be said.
The first thing you are going to do as you create a statement of value is to list out all the virtues, values, and keywords to your beliefs. This one is a little simpler than the vision statement brain dump because it is literally one word or short phrase answers. Just list everything you hope your family can be, you admire, or view as important. Start with the big things like we did at the beginning of the episode but don’t be afraid to include some lighter things like humor, art, and the outdoors. You can think of things your family does well, qualities in a good leader, or virtues you wish you had.
Once you feel like you’ve got all the major ones down (and you can certainly walk away from the list and come back to it as more come to mind) you are going to go back and pick the top 3-6. You’ll find you can combine several into one by finding more precise words with creativity and a thesaurus. For example, if you had: knowledge, love of learning, book smarts, street smarts, and experienced a good word to choose in its place would be wisdom or the application of knowledge through experience. Don’t get carried away and start picking too many because the fewer you have the more concise and clear your statement of values will be.
Then you are going to take those 3-6 values and write out 3 examples for each value of what that value would look like if you lived it. How can you SHOW this value in your life?
Look over your sentences and create a rough draft of how these values will be manifested best in your life. You may find yourself shuffling the order or adding a sentence to tie them together. You may be able to include two values in one thought. Just play with it.
In the end, it should state clearly what your family values and indicate ways those values might be lived.
Our most recent statement of values is:
“We demonstrate integrity to the best that is within us by showing compassion without restraint, seeking wisdom through study and experience, and working with grit to innovate and bless others.” Notice how we said what we had integrity to, how we would seek wisdom, overcome barriers to compassion, acknowledge that innovation takes perseverance and work and why we innovate. By expressing how the values will be manifest in your life it makes it more than just a list of good ideas and gives you something to measure your life against. When I read that statement, I ask myself am I being the best version of myself? Do I show compassion or is something holding me back? How am I seeking wisdom? Blessing others? Innovating? Am I working with grit to reach my goals? Or doing it halfheartedly? A statement of values tells your family what is MOST important so you can arrange your goals to that end.
Next week we will go over living a mission-driven life and creating a mission statement, but the mission will be centered around your vision and your values. You need to know where you are going and who you are to be able to accomplish powerful things in your life. The vision statement gives you direction, the values define who you are, and the mission gives you a framework to reach your goals.
Now, as a family, we are not businesses. We don’t have a product line to sell. We are fully capable of valuing and representing many things but focusing on what means the most to your family can give you a sense of purpose and direction and having a common goal will bind you. I reevaluate mine every two years or so to make sure it matches who we are and where we are headed but it only becomes clearer with time. If yours doesn’t flow or feel inspirational to you, keep tweaking it until it does. When trying to get to the heart of things it can take time and revision and that’s okay. This is true for each of the statements we are working on in this series.
Do you need a vision statement, statement of values, mission statement, and motto? Not always. You can pick and choose what works best for your family. I’m just offering up a couple of ideas that can add the power of purpose behind your new year’s goals. If I were to choose only one though.
It would be the statement of values and here is why. The statement of values was the only statement I had until recently. I called it my mission statement because my mission as a mother is to raise good men. These values are at the core of the vision I have for my self and my family. I have no problem whatsoever clearly articulating what I want out of life, vision comes easy to me and once I have something set in my mind to my benefit and sometimes a detriment. I find a way to get there, but the values remind me of what is important along the way. They are a check and balance to my ambitions. Am I still being true to what matters most? Am I honestly being wise and compassionate? Am I giving an honest day’s work? My statement of values grounds me in the virtues my heart knows I’m capable of becoming. Do you believe you can embody the values in your statement?
But how do you become these lofty things? How do your children become honest, prudent, or brave? I know one thing. Merely defining the virtues and calling them good is not enough. Even if we display our statement of values on the wall and read it together daily. (Though there is still value in this which I will talk about in the last episode in this series).
To really teach a virtue takes more than talking about it. What does be brave mean? Is it fighting off dragons? Is it when your 5-year-old faces the checkout man at the grocery store to hand him her 50 cents for a candy? Is it not complaining when our side hurts? Is it being honest even though it may disappoint someone we love? Is it sacrificing something we want for something we want more but may not have yet? You see being brave is many things. To define it in narrow terms loses the beauty of its breadth and depth.
If you want to teach virtue you need to show it. In many forms. You can do this through example of course but also through literature. Books, especially biographies and character-centered novels show how different people exemplified or were devoid of values. Reading about other’s lives and discussing what their actions or beliefs meant for their character helps shape what a good man or woman is in the minds of our children. It helps us explore the depths of our humanity and measure the strength of our own character as we inevitably compare our life with theirs. They are also great to return to. You can compare characters from different books or stories or ask your kids “What do you think Abraham Lincoln would say?” about current events or gameboard disputes. Questions like this make them step back and think of the character of the people mentioned and how that character would carry over into new situations.
You need to do this consistently about the values that matter most. Consistency is the key… to just about everything really, now that I think about it. This where the statement of values can help. It keeps you centered on the key things you want to cultivate. Knowing your values will help you choose literature or points to bring up in discussion. It will be a measuring stick for your self and your daily family activities. The kids will see what do and follow your example, not what you say you want to be but who you are so keeping your values front and center helps you to be that person.
If you want to cultivate these values in your self look back to the 3 sentences you wrote under how the values are manifest in your life. Can you think of more ways to show this? Can you think of habits to accumulate that will help you? Do you have friends or mentors who exemplify these traits?
When I was working to overcome discouragement brought on by a toxic work environment as a newlywed, I was very careful about who I spent my after-hours time with. I read that you become most like your 5 closest associates and I took it to heart. I wanted to be happy, I didn’t want to gossip and complain so when conversations turned to gripping about husbands, for example, I excused myself or changed the subject. I made time to be around friends that made me laugh and encouraged me. I nurtured those relationships. In a short time, I became cheerful, optimistic and more uplifting to others.
You can surround your family with your values by choosing good friends, reading good books, and being good people. You become those values in the moments when you choose to stand for them instead of shrinking at the choice.
Honestly, I believe the best in people and that if it is in your heart it will be manifest in your actions. In a family I am close to half the children turned away from the faith they were raised in and took their own path, but they ARE the values of their parents- good, honest, hardworking, generous, smart, and smart-mouthed (Hey we don’t always get just the good parts right?) Our children are not always going to do what we expected or hoped for, but we can help guide their hearts. When they see the beauty in where ours are planted, they can’t help but want to share in our joy. When they see us stand for what is right, they will feel that power of conviction and hopefully want to join us in it.
This power will help you move forward as you form a mission to work towards together. Which we will discuss in the next episode. I hope you’ll join me again and until then. Stay curious or brave, or honest, or bold- whatever matters most to you and your family.