Moral Development: The 6 character traits of learning (Defining Education Series)
This is the 2nd episode in the defining education series. In this episode, we talk about how moral development is a key component of education. Six key character traits of learners, habit training, and building relationships.
In this episode, I mention The Book of Virtues by William J. Bennett.
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Moral Development: The 6 character traits of learning- Transcript
You’re listening to the 2nd episode in the defining education series “Moral Development: The 6 character traits of a learner”
Charlotte Mason is full of a ton of wisdom but this may be my favorite quote:
“The question is not,––how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education––but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set? and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him?” -Charlotte Mason
Education isn’t solely about academics. A TRUE education is shaping a child’s affections and opening doors to interests and ideas.
What does he think is good, true, or beautiful? How many ideas outside his own circles has he been introduced to? Does he look at the world through a lens of curiosity and wonder? Or indifference? How does he view the world? And is he proactive in his work?
The topic of today’s episode is all about the heart to of home education. Moral development, character building, or instilling values. However, you choose to word it, it is about the heart of the child.
The key skills of learning give them the tools to furnish the mind, values direct how those skills are used and through what lens they view the world so that when they grow to love learning they have a compass of truth by which to navigate the humanities and sciences.
Whether they are publicly, privately, or home educated you need to understand that if humanities are taught, they are not only being taught academic facts but are also being taught values. It is impossible to teach history without also teaching bias. At home, we can be aware of that bias and help our children navigate through the hard parts of human history, helping them to view the world with empathy and seek truth. It is important that before you dive into the subjects that can REALLY spark a love of learning beyond the basic skills of learning that they have a foundation of values and a strong moral character upon which to check what they are being taught. If they know truth and have a good character, they will more readily recognize truth, beauty, and justice as well as lies, evil, and injustice. They can explore what it means to fully be human once they have set their hearts on what is right. Your family should teach what is right is based on your values, faith, culture, and history.
Today I am going to talk about values that will enhance your child’s education. Add to this list what matters most to your family but start here for a well-rounded education that leads to a life of learning.
But what are they key character traits of education? The moral values that will make or break a learning experience? In addition to the skills of learning which overlap with character mentioned in the last episode I would suggest the following 6-character traits to develop in your home.
1. Discipline. This is a big one right? I actually am excited about an episode I have planned doing a deep dive into this principle but the need for dicipline in this context is pretty self-evident. In order to do the work of learning you need to build habits of discipline that help you to stay focused, to push through challenging times, to have the courage to take on even more challenging work. Discipline begets work ethic, personal development, and add structure to all other learning. You will be amazed at what small CONSITANT things will do for a child’s education. This principle is so vital that Charlotte Mason actually defines education as “An atmosphere, a discipline, and a life”
2. Curiosity. My favorite value but in talking about it today I don’t just mean the natural wonder of childhood. I mean valuing curiosity in your home. When children become curious about things show them that curiosity is a good and necessary part of learning by taking the time to follow rabbit trails with them. Reward conversations that take a different turn than you expected by engaging fully following their line of questioning. Do not just be curious when it comes up naturally but encourage asking questions about things they may not have even considered. Delight in surprise new information together. Cultivate a culture of curiosity in your home.
3. Empathy. This one is the most POWERFUL thing you can do for your children. As my boy Dale Carnagie says “Seek first to understand then to be understood”. Teach your children to withhold judgement, seek to know and understand others, show compassion, and relate to those who are different than themselves. By doing this you are not just creating more loving and compassionate children but opening the world to them through having the ability to see things from different perspectives and making connections they would not even seen if they didn’t have their eyes and hearts open to new people and ideas. Empathy is about more than just having an open heart. It is also having an open mind.
4. Organization. Having an organized space makes for an organized mind. Now different brains operate in different ways and some creative people may look like they live in chaos but can tell you where everything is on their desks. I’m not talking about insta worthy school rooms here. I’m talking about being able to function in your workspace in a way that isn’t distracting to you and being able to find what you need when you need it so that you can focus on the work at hand. I’m talking about being able to organize and articulate your thoughts. Being able to categorize and analyze information in a way that works for your brain. Some people like to take a wholistic approach and view the world as a whole, working their way in to the details like Maria Montessori does. Some people like to learn the details and build upon them, working their way out like a Classical Model of education does. Either way has its pros and cons but as long as you have systems in place that help you know what to do with incoming information, you’ll be able to retain what you learn better and make stronger interdisciplinary connections.
5. Being Teachable. One of my husband’s biggest pet peeves is when he is teaching a child or an employee something new and they keep saying “I know, I know, I know” well, you don’t know, that’s why I’m teaching you. It is frustrating as a teacher because when a child knows it all and is overconfident in their understanding then they are not being open to new ideas. They are not focusing on what they can learn but are instead focusing on their pride and boasting of the knowledge they have already obtained. By doing this, they are missing out on the opportunity to learn more about the subject from an expert to finesse their skill set, to get context for their understanding, or discover a new way of doing things. Being teachable not only helps in a learning environment but that humility and ability to listen will change the way the child interacts with the world. It will give them flexibility which is VITAL in the 21st century and help them gain respect from their mentors as they listen, take in, and try what they are taught.
6. Taking Initiative. My mother-in-law always says “There is a time to learn and a time to do” though I am fairly sure in this family it is always time to do, you’ll pick it up as you go, but that’s kind of the point. Boots on the ground, physical real-world experiences will often teach you more about a subject than any other more abstract way can. Often the only way you get these experiences is by stepping up and taking the initiative to start them. It is more than just work ethic, though that is important too, it is about learning to see what needs to be done and doing it. It is about planning your workload and having a purpose and direction to what you are doing. It is about leadership and being proactive in your life. The future leaders of the world know when to take action. They see what needs to be done, plan, and execute the plan independently.
The trick then is how to develop these character traits. In your family mission statement, vision statement, or motto you defined your family’s values that probably had a few similar traits mentioned above. Discipline, curiosity, empathy, organization, being teachable, and taking initiative, are fairly traditional American values.
There are many ways to instill character in your children. The first and most important is to have it yourself. You cannot draw from an empty well. You need to actively be modeling the character you want your children to have. They are way more likely to become what they see than what they are told.
The 2nd best thing you can do is read to them about people of character. Biographies, bible stories, fairytales, and fables. Anything that shows what good character looks like in action. One book I love is “The book of Virtues” by William J. Bennet. It gives powerful and engaging stories that illustrate different character traits to children in an approachable way without preaching to them. We can define the values all we want but there is something powerful in story that makes the value come alive in the children’s minds and helps them catch on to the magnitude and nuances of each character trait.
We have now given them two enormously powerful ways to learn what moral values are. As different situations come up in their lives that test their character, they get hands on learning and when you take the time to discuss the implications of these experiences the VALUE part of moral values becomes evident.
From here it is building the habit.
Charlotte Mason once said this about habit training: “The habits of the child produce the character of the man… every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend.”-Charlotte Mason
Charlotte Mason is big on habit training because if you think about it habits are just a short cut for character. Like memorizing multiplication facts become a short cut for math. Building habits is not short- it takes work, but once they are in place it takes a lot of the trip ups out of our days by making correct and efficient behavior automatic or our natural default. Some of the tips she gives on forming habits in our children are solid gold y’all and very similar to what you might find in a Love and Logic parenting book.
1. Engage the child make sure you have their attention before you begin. Get down on their level and make eye contact if you can, set your phone down, and respectfully listen to what they have to say to model what good listening looks like.
2. Give instructions only once so that the build the habit of listening and you don’t need to repeat yourself, beg, or nag. Sometimes I say things like put your shoes on and I’ll take you to the park, just once, so they know that this applies the same for fun things as it does for work.
3. Only give commands that you are willing to follow through on. This is the ticket right here! Consistency is the key! I’ll say that again for dramatic emphasis: CONSISTANCY IS THE KEY. You absolutely must follow through on any of your threats and promises or they will not trust you. So, choose your words wisely. Don’t tell them something you are not willing to follow through on. If you tell them to put their shoes away, they need to do it right away the first time you ask, if they do not, then you need to get up and enforce your instruction immediately. Yes, this is exhausting but the kids will quickly learn to obey and start to build the habit you are trying to instill. Until one day, they just put the shoes away without you even asking.
As we head into summer and many of you take a break from learning this is an EXCELLENT season to build some habits that will help you school days go smoother. From chores that keep a home organized to honesty any moral value can be developed with consistency and time. Read them more books about great men and women who show them what discipline or curiosity looks like, take initiative on a yard project or put them in charge of making desert for the family and let them take the lead. Teach them a new skill where they need to pay attention and be teachable. Show empathy when they make mistakes. Learning is life and just because you are not doing academics it doesn’t mean the kids can’t be developing these key soft skills and moral grit that will help them in their education.
I could go on about this but I’ll just leave it with this, I am So not perfect, but one habit my children have is bedtime. When I say “It’s time for bed” the kids go strait to bed and I’ve had friends over at bed time who were just awed at how quickly they obeyed and it wasn’t until that moment that I realized how automatic it has become. This one habit saves me hours of exhausted frustration, it helps the kids get more rest, which helps my days go smoother. The work we put in to build this habit as a family is paying off and the character traits of listening to their parents and taking care of their bodies by getting enough rest is being developed in my kids.
Another principle of a Charlotte Mason education is that children are born persons which means so many things I’d love to dive into but for today lets just remember that they are human. They come with their own personalities, tendencies, and preferences. They are imperfect just like you and me and need patience and grace and 2nd chances. Learning self-control is one of the hardest things we do as humans- I mean have you mastered it? - and there are things we can do to help this process along, but it is a process. We cannot expect our kids to be perfect all the time. Remember that they are people too who have bad days, get sick, and feel sad. Often our children need correction to help them grow but sometimes they just need a hug or some space to deal with the big emotions in their tiny bodies.
I have been guilty of forgetting that my oldest is not perfect. He is always so on the ball (honestly more than I am half the time). So helpful, kind, and thoughtful. There was one time when I asked him to do something, and he got very emotional, and I thought “Why is he acting like that?” when suddenly the thought came to me “Oh my goodness! He is only 4 (and I had honestly forgotten that he was only 4) of course he is emotional this week has been full of BIG changes and he is overwhelmed, I need to take care of this little boy’s heart.”
Which is what character building is really all about. One of my favorite Christian proverbs says “Train up your child in the way they shall go, and when they are old they will not depart from it”. As you build habits and character it becomes a part of who they are.
As important as habit training is building relationships is equally important. You become their haven and build trust so that when they have questions about the world, they come to you. When they need a safe harbor they come home instead of turning outward for validation. When they feel loved and secure, they will associate the things you teach them with that atmosphere and can focus on learning instead of what they lack.
Sometimes I get so caught up in checking my boxes. Even the really fun field trip and hands on learning boxes, that I forget to take time for personal connection with each of my children in a given day. A week will go by and I’ll think- when was the last GOOD conversation I’ve had with my 7-year-old who is outside building an incredible fort as a passion project while I work on mine inside. Its not that we don’t have the family love- he knows how much I love him, but does he feel seen by me? Has the only thing my 4-year-old heard today been correction? I don’t want to take for granted that they know I love them or want to know them. Homeschooling provides incredible opportunities for family relationships but homeschooling is just an opportunity. An invitation. We need to remember to take time to connect with our kids in a way that is meaningful to them.
I don’t remember where I heard it but when I was deep into the parenting books with a young baby I heard somewhere that you shouldn’t compliment a child by saying things like “I love how obsessed you are with dinsoaurs” but instead say “I notice how interested you are in dinosaurs right now, would you like to talk about it?” The first acknowledges your child and makes them feel loved but what happens when they are no longer obsessed with dinsaurs? What if dinosaurs is just a current interest? Will they feel compelled to keep being “obsessed” with dinosaurs because that is what they associate with your love? The 2nd statement tells your child that you are paying attention to them, that you see them and notice their interests and are interested in them and sharing interests with them. That interests change and you are just interested to hear what they have to say and invites them into a conversation. Now This totally stressed me out at first because I started to feel the weight of my words and daily habits but then I decided to step back and just take what I could from it and make a conscious choice to “notice” things about my kids often and watch as it lights them up.
This is also an effective tool for reinforcing positive values in your child “I noticed how patient you were waiting in line today”. “I noticed how you shared your candy with your cousin at the park”. You are helping them to associate positive interactions with positive emotions and recognizing the good and the beautiful. You are setting the affections of their heart.
Charlotte Mason also said “Education is the ordering of affections”. So, what do we want first in our children’s hearts? If they have the practical key skills of education, they can learn anything so what is it we really want our children to know? This is a great topic for a journal entry this summer as you sit by the lake or sipping lemonade on your back porch. What do you TRULY want your children to know at the end of their education? They may include the key skills of learning, but I would not be surprised if they included many more of the topics from this episode. Discipline, not only in academics but in all areas of their life. Genuine Curiosity that leads to innovation. Empathy of heart and mind that keeps them open to others so they can have a life filled with love and understanding. Organization so they can focus on what really matters instead of constantly cleaning up past mistakes. Being teachable, humble, flexible and paying attention to things others may miss. Taking initiative to boldly create the world they want to see. It is up to us to set these affections through habit training, setting an example of the life we want them to lead, and cultivating relationships in our home.
Once we have set them up with the key tools of learning and planted values to direct their hearts and actions, we are ready to dive into the love of learning and set them up to become lifelong learners.
Join me next time as we talk about cultivating a love of learning.
And until then, as always, stay curious.